The Godard Brothers Rebellion on Aquore
The Super Morpher Beast Blades
Time Bubble Interviews
Beast Blades Apollos Godard Brothers Alfred Rebellion on Aquore Martha
Super Morpher Lieutenant Jacob Beast Blades General Elymas Godard Brothers Sanji
Rebellion on Aquore John
The Godard Brothers The Rebellion on Aquore The Super Morpher
Surrounded by Geniuses Tarren’s Fight The Accident
Hairy Potatoes Mistakes Made New Powers
Meetings and Confrontations Learning Control
The Mysterious Masked Rescuer The Super Morpher’s Arrival
The Masked Man’s Next Move Learning Through Practice
Plans and Revelations Declaration of War
Working Together Reactions
Debts and Betrayals Reflecting on Doubts
A Change in Plans End of the Super Morpher?
The Spider’s Trap
Forcing Confrontation
Shots Fired in the Night
Beast Blades Random The H Files
Awaken Pyrequine Delivery Boys Operation Big Boom
Aquacornus Tidal Stampede Legend of the Wambutee Operation Beginning
Herbacervus’ leaf storm The Emperor’s Tournament Operation Genesis
Meeting the Merchant Operation Break Up
Fleeing Sharen City
Exploring the Karndale Valley
Apollos’ Past
Sparing General Aldrick
Joining the Rebellion
Aldricks Plan
Elymas’ Victory

Ahir, Guardian of Malor

The Guardian
Trials of Immortals
A Partnership Formed
Captain Ember
Learning About Trixie
Ahir, Murderer of Malor?
Rising Flames
Trixie’s Shield
Tensions Rise
Ahir Arrested
The Threat from Inside
Milton Missing
Rushing Through the Portal
The Battle Begins
Lang’Kahn’s Victory
Returning Home

2 thoughts on “Archives

  1. Hi Bork Man. I have a few comments for you. I’m only going to talk about Beast Blades as that is were I have read some your work. The reason I am commenting is that I like the ideas. You have an interesting power in the blades, the enemy is suitably evil and his servants also. They may be wraith-like but you have avoided making them anything like nazgul. There’s potential here. However, the writing style needs work. It would really help if youi concentrated on writing one novel, one story and getting that dead right. The gact you have so much part completed writing is good in that it shows you have ideas but bad in being distracting. Novelists write one book at a time and sketch out notes for others as ideas come but just jottings on a file somewhere not anything for anyone else to read.

    First of all, like many pieces, it looks a bit rushed. You need to read it back, aloud is best or to some others even better. You’ll find you have made a few grammatical errors but more importantly, you’ll pick up where you have used the same word too often in close proximity. (i.e. tore/torn in Ch 6 where you use it four times in about three sentences.). Right from the first chapter, you have sentences that if you re-read you will note are awkward. “Lucas ran through the field, knocking corn stalks out of the way and ears of unripe corn to the ground, as the stalks scratched his skin.” As the stalks scratched his skin and what? That detail is in the wrong place. So is the way you describe black puddles and then solid forms in the Acerbi.

    Try something like this –
    “Corn stalks scratched his skin and snagged his clothing as Lucas ran headlong through the field, leaving a trail of flattened and broken crops in his wake. His eyes were blurred by tears and strangled sobs broke from him as he crashed through the corn, fleeing for his life, feet and heart both pounding at an impossible speed. Dark shapes pursued him, sometimes appearing as black, viscous puddles and sometimes as bodiless shadows. He dare not look back but fear made him glance over his shoulder to see how close they were. Almost at once, he tripped on a stone and with a cry, sprawled in the dirt. With a shriek of triumph, his enemies rushed forward and would have surrounded him. But Lucas was not finished, not yet. He thrust himself onto unwilling feet and seemed to dodge the claws that reached out to grab him.

    ‘Let him run’ a dry, grating voice spoke. It sounded like shifting gravel, hissing in the yard beneath the hooves of horses.
    ‘But why? We have orders. None shall escape the plantation. That’s what we were told.’
    The first seemed to incline its shapeless head; ‘Ah yes, I know. But it has been a while since we have chased anyone far. Let us enjoy the hunt a little longer. There is still so much more fear to be had from this one.’

    How does that sound?


  2. Pingback: Beast Blades, Chapter One: Awaken Pyrequine | Tales of the Imagination

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